Love & Hate

I'm just going to admit it….I have a love hate relationship with my blog. 

I love…

     how I feel after I have blogged.

     expressing myself through writing.

     documenting the randomness of Andrew and I's life.

     being able to look back on times past.

I hate….

     when a month goes by and I haven't blogged.

     the feeling that the window has passed me by for the post to be reverent but I still have so much to say.

     scheduling times to write.

     typing away on my computer when Andrew is home.

When I started the blog it was more for others. I mean don't get me wrong I wanted the stories to look back on when I am old and gray too but it gave everyone wedding details and allowed them to follow the planning process. When we moved it was the same thing…I thought it would be nice to look back on one day but really wanted to keep everyone in the loop of our lives. But I have sense started realizing that it is for me. 

I have struggled a lot of the past few months on what this blog was going to turn into and if I was even going to keep it going. Over the summer and the beginning of the school year I loved it. I blogged a few times a week and felt amazing but then I started working and the blog came to a screeching halt. Yes, I know plenty of people blog and work at the same time but this concept was really difficult for me. How was I supposed to give everything I have to my students during the day, come home make dinner and then hang out with my husband in the evenings - where does blogging fit?

After taking some time away ( 2 months to be exact) , praying about it and really thinking about what to do I decided that blogging is something I need. I need to blog to feel like my week is complete. I need to document this journey of life and I need to write. I get to use my creativity everyday in the classroom but this is different. It scratches another creative itch I have you could say.

Overall the conclusions I came to are

1. I'm done with the hate and only want love. Why should I hate something that I am choosing to do? 

    

 2. I'm done feeling guilty. Some weeks I might blog a few times and others there might be silence but that is ok. Life gets busy, things happen and I can not beat myself up anymore over feeling the guilt of not blogging…It is stupid.

   

 3. I am not going to let important moments pass me by on the blog. If it means blogging while Andrew is home sometimes or scheduling it into my weekly schedule I am determined to make it work and capture the moments.

    

4. This blog is for me and I am happy about that.